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Author Topic: Shutting out loved ones, mood swings  (Read 1310 times)
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palmtree
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« on: March 24, 2017, 05:54:47 AM »

Hi all

Do any of you feel the desire to shut out loved ones, not respond to calls or texts some days? Or generally want to avoid those you love the most some days, or just not talk to them on a daily basis? Is this a normal thing to feel ? It seems mood swings, irritability is common, snapping at loved ones and being mean, like you have an 800 pound gorilla on you that you cannot control at times.

How do you deal with loved ones you offend at these times when you shut them out or are rude? Its like it cannot be controlled at times it seems.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2017, 05:57:06 AM by palmtree » Logged
roger
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« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2017, 06:46:07 AM »

Hi Palmtree, and welcome to the forum.

To be honest, that sounds more like a depression thing than a CFS one. Do you feel generally angry about being unwell?
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palmtree
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« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2017, 07:00:43 AM »

hi roger, thank you for your reply. It is actually my SO that suffers from CFS and i notice he does it to me , and others. He needs a lot of space and time alone (he is also an introvert) and does not want to be in contact with anyone on a daily basis. I assumed this was very much a CFS thing as many have noted on this wonderful forum that mood swings, snapping at loved ones, sometimes wanting to be left alone, seems common, or perhaps i am wrong? Just trying to understand and be supportive
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roger
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« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2017, 07:20:42 AM »

Hi Palmtree,

I suspect that he's confused and worried, which is totally understandable. And if that's the case, it's not surprising that he's drawing into himself - a sort of defensive position. But it's not healthy. All I can suggest is that you continue to give him all the support and understanding that you can, and above all, make it as clear as you can that you love him regardless and that you're there for him. Hopefully, over time, that might help.

If things don't improve, maybe it's time to speak to his GP.

Good luck and best wishes.
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palmtree
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« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2017, 07:30:14 AM »

Thanks Roger - he has had CFS for many many years now, and has acted and been this way with his past partners as well, always. He does not like to feel the obligation or responsibiity i suppose of dealing with anyone on a daily basis.

When you say he may be confused and worried - is that a CFS thing? I would have thought after having CFS for over a decade that would subside, though i do not want to assume to understand at all. It could be a defensive position as you say to guard himself from deepening his relationships. This has been a pattern for decades with him.  I fear he wont change despite being in therapy also for many years.

I assumed this behavior was a part of the CFS as to me it is bizarre though i try so very hard to understand and be supportive. Many on here say they often lash out at loved ones when they cannot control it at times.
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roger
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« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2017, 08:06:29 AM »

Right, well if he's had CFS for such a long time, then you're right, confusion and worry, which comes from feeling dreadful and getting a non-diagnosis, probably isn't the issue. So maybe it's just his nature?

Has he ever researched CFS info other than that provided by the NHS? If not, it might help him to read this book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Diagnosis-Treatment-Chronic-Syndrome-Encephalitis/dp/1781610797/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1490342738&sr=1-1&keywords=sarah+myhill

Actually, it might help you with understanding, too.
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« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2017, 01:36:37 PM »

Hi palmtree.  I was a healthcare professional prior to this illness (three and a half years).  I would say I am similar to your husband in many respects. We all have different psychological and emotional make-up (nature and nurture) so one size does not fit all.  I think you are perceiving this as how you think you would feel in a similar situation.  My mother, who cares for me does this all the time. I have increasingly been a loner over the course of my life and a very private person spending significant amounts of time alone.  Your husband may indeed be depressed as Roger says or it may be just his way of dealing with the fluctuating troughs.  When I have a lot of pain and little energy I just can't face talking to relatives/friends on the phone and when relatives visit I find it annoying having to put on a brave face.

The anger issue I know very well.  I used to frequently snap at my mother (something I have never done).  My CFS clinic has a Wellness College (also offered to mental health patients).  One of the free courses they run is "Managing Anger and Frustration with Chronic Illness".  It runs one day a week, for two hours, over four weeks.  It was tiring but very beneficial.  I have not snapped at my mother since.



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CeeDee
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« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2017, 02:43:31 PM »

Hi Palmtree, a few years ago I went through a phase of being very irritable in situations where I was normally quite patient and tolerant. (I have a friend with OCD who sometimes needs help with checking things, and I was getting very short-tempered at his requests for help). This coincided with my prescription for amitriptyline. As soon as I came off it the irritability went away.
As Talen said, everyone is different and has different ways of coping with things; but if this is not a normal personality trait for your SO, is there possibly some new medication that can be giving this as a side-effect?
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